Alone
by Juliefan1
Summary: How will Rose react to being without Miles?
1. Chapter 1

Alone

Chapter 1

It was 2 AM and Rose Nylund could not sleep. She was so upset and confused. When she had found out that Miles was cheating on her, she had hoped that he would stop cheating on her and come back to her. Now this morning Miles had married Fern, the woman he had cheated on. The wedding had even been held at The Golden Palace, the hotel that she and Blanche owned. She was so hurt by all of this and lay awake crying. Blanche, Sophia and Dorothy said that the hurt would go away, but she felt as though it never would. After she had prayed to ask God to help her get though this tough time she sang a song that she knew that described just how she felt

Why does the sun go on shining  
Why does the sea rush to shore  
Don't they know it's the end of the world  
'Cause you don't love me any more

Why do the birds go on singing  
Why do the stars glow above  
Don't they know it's the end of the world  
It ended when I lost your love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder  
Why everything's the same as it was  
I can't understand, no, I can't understand  
How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating  
Why do these eyes of mine cry  
Don't they know it's the end of the world  
It ended when you said goodbye

Why does my heart go on beating  
Why do these eyes of mine cry  
Don't they know it's the end of the world  
It ended when you said goodbye

By the time she had finished the song she was sobbing hard. She thought she would call her daughter Bridget who had just got her Masters in Social Work and had been doing counseling at a clinic in a suburb of the Twin Cities. Rose thought that because her daughter was a counselor, she would help her.

She called a startled Bridget who was worried that her mom was calling so late.

"Mom what's wrong, what happened?", she asked expecting that something awful had happened after she learned that her mother was on the other end of the line.

"Miles left me for another woman and he married her! I feel awful, I think I'm depressed could you be my counselor? ", Rose asked.

"Oh Mom, I'm so sorry to hear that! I can't believe he did that to you! I can't be your counselor though" Bridget said.

"Why not?" asked an upset Rose.

"Remember learning about Dual Relationships when you got that little bit of training at the counseling center when you worked there", asked Bridget.

Oh yeah they said it was not good to have a relationship other that of a counselor", said Rose.

"Right and we have a mother- daughter relationship already. You can still cry on my shoulder. The family is always here for you. You should see a counselor after the holidays unless you feel suicidal then you should get help right away. ", said Bridget.

"Ok I think with God and the family's help I can make it through the holidays. Thanks honey, said Rose.

"Ok Mom get some sleep I'll see you tomorrow, said Bridget.

After they said goodbye, Rose thanked God for her family. She fell asleep soon after that.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning, the day before Christmas Eve, Rose was on a flight to Minneapolis. She was listening to the soundtrack from Les Miserables. It had been a present from a chuch friend who thought Rose would enjoy the musical. The song I Dreamed A Dream made her think of her lost love, Miles. The following lyrics made her cry after she heard them she turned off her portable CD player.

And still I dream he'll come to me  
That we will live the years together  
But there are dreams that cannot be  
And there are storms we cannot weather

When she found no Kleenex in her purse she turned to an older woman sitting next to her.

"Excuse me but do you have a Kleenex I could use"? Rose asked her.

"Yes I do and you'll need more that a Kleenex to fix that makeup you look awful", said the women rather bluntly.

I feel awful. Thank you for the Kleenex my name is Rose Nylund", said Rose as she took the Kleenex.

"My name is Thea Pederson", said the woman as she extended her hand.

"You are Norwegian like me aren't you?," asked Rose.

"Yes I am" a Minnesotan Norwegian, replied Thea.

"Oh Miles why did you leave me!", mumbled Rose.

"What Rose?" asked Thea

"Oh I was thinking of my Miles", said Rose embarrassed that Thea heard.

"Oh and talking to him too?" asked Thea smiling.

"Why yes I actually was", said Rose.

" You know that us Norwegians tend to be private but I wouldn't mind talking to you, because I know what it's like when you lose a husband. ", replied Thea

"Oh Miles was my boyfriend, but I know what it's like to lose a husband too. Oh why did you have to remind me of my husband Charlie?" Rose asked Thea.

"Sorry you've had to lose him too. Did he pass away recently?" Asked Thea.

"Did who pass away recently?" Rose asked confused.

"Your boyfriend", said Thea

"Miles didn't die he left me for another woman", explained Rose.

"Oh that just happened to a friend of mine after 40 years of marriage" I'm sorry," said Thea.

"I 'm so upset with him. My daughter who is a social worker suggests that I get counseling. I will when the holidays are over, said Rose.

"Well I guess that might help," said Thea who was rather skeptical of talking to a counselor.

"I'm sure it will I'm a former grief counselor and I've seen people get better. If you are a Christian can you pray for me?" Rose asked Thea.

I'm a Christan and I'll do that Rose. Would you like to get together some time? I go back to Miami after New Years. Don't forget to fix your makeup Rose ," reminded Thea.

Thanks Thea I really enjoyed our talk and I'd love to get together and tell you all about my hometown St. Olaf," Rose replied enthuiasticly.

As the plane landed Rose thanked God for people like Thea.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As Rose walked into the airport Thea was holding on to her arm for support. Due to her stubbornness she only used a cane.

"You really should get a walker Thea you almost fell getting off the plane. My Great Aunt Bruhnhilde had one", said Rose.

"Did her parents name all their children after Old Norse God and Goddesses?" Thea asked.

"No I thought that name was from an opera", said Rose confused.

"Based on a Norse Myth, Rose, and I'm going to go get a taxi now and I can make it without your help dear "replied Thea.

"Ok here is my number, back in Miami Beach, "said Rose handing Thea a piece of paper with her number on it. They then went to get their luggage and went their separate ways.

When Bridget saw her mother's tear stained and mascara smeared face she gave her a hug and asked, Mom, you look awful are you ok?"

"Why must everyone ask about me? I just want to be home and have a great Christmas dear. I just miss Miles", explained Rose.

"Well I hope we have a great Christmas too Mom", said Bridget as they left the terminal.

"Mom I have some great news to tell you. I wanted to wait to tell you in person", said Bridget with a big smile as she drove out of the parking lot.

"What dear"? Said Rose.

"I'm pregnant Mom", replied Bridget excitedly.

"Oh honey that's great! You and John must be so exited! I'll come to visit soon after the baby is born I'm so glad you married a minister. I like John as a person, but love that you married a minister"! Exclaimed Rose.

Bridget laughed and then said "Thanks, I just found out yesterday, Mom. The other surprise that I thought you might like is that Sue Ann Nivens, who is a member of our church, has asked us to dinner tonight and says you are invited too. She" Bridget remembered how when she was growing up her mom loved watching Sue Ann's show "The Happy Homemaker."

"Bridget I'm not sure I want to meet her", said Rose hesitantly.

"Why not Mom, you told me that she was your favorite Minnesotan celebrity. Or did you just say that because you didn't like me listening to Bob Dylan, my favorite Minnesotan celebrity, said Bridget smiling.

"I liked her show, but not how she can hurt people", replied Rose.

What do you mean Mom?" Bridget had no clue whatsoever about what Rose said.

"Remember Cousin Lars?" Rose asked Bridget.

"Your cousin Mom?" Bridget asked.

"Yes Lars Lindstrom. Well he and Sue Ann… well you know, they were seeing each other", Rose said with a look of disgust.

"Oh, they had an affair"? Asked Bridget.

"Yes I can't believe she goes to church and I hope she has asked God to forgive her. I don't want to be with someone who hurt Lars's wife Phyllis. She told me when it happened," Rose explained.

"Well you know that even though what Sue Ann did was immoral, God forgives her. Mom when you are depressed it's not a good idea to be alone. I really suggest you come tonight", suggested Bridget.

As they pulled into the driveway they both wondered what the night would bring. Rose also was excited about the thought of a new grandchild.


	4. Chapter 4

After Rose had gotten unpacked she sat down in the living room with Bridget. Rose knew that Christmas was coming, she saw the beautiful Christmas tree and decorations surrounding her, but it just did not seem like it was going to be a good Christmas sine it was the first Christmas in three years without Miles. She was about to start singing the song Blue Christmas, but Bridget asked her, "Well Mom I took today off so we could spend some time together. What would you like to do today?"

"Well, I could decide when I could call Sue Ann while talking into a kazoo, or I could read _Sybil_, or listen to a Christmas album of the St. Olaf College Choir, or we could think of baby names for the baby on the way." Rose answered.

"Mom I'm a little confused about the kazoo thing, and the fact that you want to read _Sybil,_ because I remember how that movie upset you when it was on TV." Asked a confused Bridget.

"Once I found out that Miles was cheating on me, I started to call him late at night, and said into a kazoo, "You blew it big-time smart boy." And now I want to call Sue Ann and say, you blew it big-time "Happy Homewrecker, because that's what Phyllis called her." Explained Rose.

"Oh Mom, that's kind of a funny thing you did that, but it makes me realize how difficult it was for you to let go of that relationship. Do you still feel like you want to prank call him." Bridget asked.

"I wish I could, but I don't want his wife to know about it. If she answered the phone, I'd feel really embarrassed". Explained Rose.

"Okay, I'm glad you're not going to do that anymore. You really shouldn't prank call Sue Ann. Now that we've talked about that can you explain to me why you are reading Sybil now?" Asked Bridget.

"Well one of my ex-boyfriends, Jonathan is a psychiatrist, and he was telling me the other day that he had been working with Multiple Personalities, and had written a book about treatment of Multiples. He also told me he was going to speak at a national Multiple Personality Disorder conference, for professionals interested in learning about treating MPD. When I asked him what was, he told me that that was what Sybil had, so I decided to read the book". Explained Rose.

Oh wow mom, I never would've thought that you would read something so interesting and complex. Was this psychiatrist, Dr. Jonathan Newman, because I think I saw him speak at that conference?"

"Yes that was him and didn't I ever tell you I like reading about Abnormal Psychology. The Journal of Abnormal Psychology used to be published in St. Olaf." Rose exclaimed.

"Oh yeah you did tell me Mom. Well, Sybil is such a depressing book, and it is Christmas after all, so let's listen to my Christmas album of the St. Olaf College choir and I will go over the list of baby names that I've been thinking about. Would you like to read Jonathan's book? I have it at my office. " Asked Bridget.

"Yes, I think I can read that, but I don't think I can read works that Miles taught without thinking of him. Let's sing like we used to at Christmas. I'll sing Soprano and play the Piano and you can sing Alto", exclaimed Rose.

They sang for an hour and then spent the rest of the afternoon listening to Christmas music and deciding on baby names for the new baby.

In the late afternoon Bridget's husband John walked in the door singing Silver Bells,

"Christmas makes you feel emotional…"

John, don't sing about Chrismas being emotional. Mom's really upset since her boyfriend left and I want her to have a good Christmas", exclaimed Bridget.

"Oh sorry Rose, it's your favorite son in –law", joked John.

"Honey stop joking around and show Rose you care" Declared Bridget.

"I don't mind it's nice that he's making a joke to make me feel better." Said Rose

"What time do we have to be at Sue Ann's?" Asked Bridget.

" 5:30 I'll let you two get ready", Replied John.

As they left, they were all nervous about how the night would go.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

As John pulled into the driveway of Sue Ann's small home, Rose was feeling nervous.

"oh Gosh I'm not sure I can do this. If only I had been able to tell Lars about how I felt about what hapend, then I wouldn't be as mad!" Exclaimned Rose.

"Mom just relax, I'm sure it will be ok just try not to let your anger get the best of you." Bridget said reassuringly.

After John rang the doorbell , Sue Ann appeard smiling one of her sweet smiles.

" Good evening Rev. Anderson, Bridget and oh you must be Bridget's mother. You look so plain dear". Said Sue Ann with that sweet smile still plastered to her face.

"You must be kidding!" Exclaimed Rose.

"Would I lie with my minister here?", asked Sue Ann.

"What is for dinner?", asked John trying to change the subject.

Oh how silly of me come on inside, we are having Chicken Divan and Coccholate Souffle", said Sue Ann as she led them to the dining room.

It was beautiful, so beautiful in fact that John said " Wow, Sue Ann!" John was not someone who noticed good decorating often. A pretty table seldom impressed him

" I'm glad you like it Rev. Anderson. Whould you all like some eggnog?", askedSue Ann beaming with pride at the compliment she recived.

"So, Bridget tells me you live in Miami Beach, are you enjoying the life of a happy homemaker?", asked Sue Ann.

" A co- hotel owner, before tha t I worked in Tv too! I was an associate producer. I worked my way up from an assistant. Before that I was a counselor at a grief counseling center." I think I will retire soon though", said Rose

Oh another female associate producer. If only more women would be homemaker I'd still have a show. I wonder what became of Marry she was an associate producer at WJM a few years ago."

"She's friends with Phyllis Lindstrom isn't she", asked Rose trying to steer the conversation in the direction she wantd.

"Yes, you know Phyllis?" Asked a surprised Sue Ann.

Yes, she was the wife of my cousin Lars", replied Rose.

" Oh you are related to Lars?", asked Sue Ann.

" Yes I am and I saw you at his funeral and was wondering how you knew him?", asked Rose.

"We were friends", Answed Sue Ann.

"I know that's not true! I can forgive you and would forgive Lars if he was still alive but can't forgive Miles yet", said Rose with tears streaming down her face, she ran out the door.

" Wait I was going to have us sing the 12 days of Christmas!" Sue Ann said.

" Sue Ann my mother is in emocianal pain, now if you excuse us we are going to comfort her!" Exclaimed Bridget running out the door with John right behind her.

" Merry Chrismas and congratulations on your pregnancy!" shouted Sue Ann.

Sue Ann still had no remorse for her actions. She was upset because she hadn't been able to talk about how awful and unexperinced Martha Stewart was, and disscuss " The Happy Homemaker", with Rose


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Rose sat on the steps of Sue Ann's stoop bawling when Bridget & John came out.

Bridget was worried about Sue Ann's gossipy nature and said, "Oh Gosh, what if Sue Ann tells everyone who's working at the lutefisk dinner next week about what happened tonight with mom. You should make Sue Ann swear on a Bible that she won't say anything. Asking her just to promise she won't say anything won't work with her", said Bridget.

John went inside to deal with Sue Ann. Bridget took Rose to the car and started it so it could warm up.

After getting into the backseat of the car, Rose said "I wish I was dead"!

Bridget asked her." Mom do you really mean that"?

"No, I wish Sue Ann didn't have to see me like that tonight and I wish Miles's wife Fern was never born, because then Miles and I would still be together", said Rose.

"Oh mom I understand you are hurt but I need to know if you really want to kill yourself", said Bridget sliding into the backseat and putting her arm around her mother.

"Well I don't want to kill myself, because of something that happened back in Miami. Back in Miami I had a dear friend that wanted to kill herself and she told me why. She had an awful reason though. She had been in a concentration camp in Austria during WWII because she and her family hid her Jewish boyfriend. She was the head of the camp's maid and he sexually and physically abused her. After the war her parents had died. She married the American soldier who freed her from the camp. When she talked to me about suicide, her husband had just died. She was having nightmares about what happened in the concentration camp. She had no children. Her only child had recently died in a car crash", said Rose.

"Mom that is an awful story but what does it have to do with you?" Bridget was hoping that her mom didn't have anything tragic to disclose about her childhood. She thought that maybe what happened to her mom's friend had triggered a repressed memory. Like many of her colleagues who believed in Multiple Personality Disorder, She believed that a person could have repressed memories of traumatc events that had happened to them years ago.

Just then John came unlocking the car door. It turned out that Sue Ann was not going to tell her friends at church about what happened that night. She did not want ruin her minister's family's reputation apparently.

"Mom, can we talk about this when we get home?" Asked Bridget.

"Sure honey", replied Rose.

Once they got home Bridget & Rose continued the conversation they had earlier.

"Mom I want you to tell me why you told me that story." Asked Bridget

"Well my friend Eva had no family. I understood why she wanted to die, but I know I don't want to die because I have a wonderful family and many friends", said Rose.

"So hearing Eva talk about her abuse didn't bring back any memories of any abuse you had did it?" Asked Bridget.

"No why did you say such a thing?" asked an upset Rose.

"At work I have seen clients be reminded of a trauma when hearing of others", explained Bridget.

"I feel that my family and friends are the only things to live for. I really don't care for working at the hotel but do it because I know Blanche wants my help. I'm also a failure when it comes to men", Rose said while tearing up.

"Oh Mom that's not true. This holiday season you will be surrounded by loved ones. We know how there are so many things we know you should live for. Counseling will also be helpful in raising you self esteem. Would you like to stay with us for a while during the time you get counseling? Since you aren't happy with your job? I'm sure John won't mind", Bridget said giving her mom a big hug

"That's so sweet honey. It's like an early Christmas present. I think Blanche can find someone to take my place at the hotel. I hope John doesn't mind. Would you like to go shopping with me for the grandkid's presents tomorrow ?" Rose asked.

"Sure Mom. Would you like to check out a huge shopping mall that just opened up not too far from here? It's the biggest in the county."

"Okie- dokie" said Rose smiling.

After a meal of some herring pie and Chocolate cheesecake that Bridget had originally planned for tomorrow Bridget and Rose wrapped presents that Bridget had bought for her nieces & nephews. They then watched, with John their favorite Christmas movie _It's a Wonderful Life_. After that they went to bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Aouthor's Note: I own no songs or mall.

Chapter 7

The next morning even thought it was Christmas Eve day; Rose was still depressed about losing Miles. She sang the songs;" Blue Christmas"," I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues" and was singing "The Winner Takes It All" when she entered the kitchen. John was eating his breakfast and looked up from the paper with concern on his face upon hearing the lyrics: Does she used to kiss like I used to kiss you?

"Hello Rose, did you sleep well last night?" He asked.

"No, I didn't. Did Bridget tell you why I want to stay? Is she up yet?" Rose asked as she grabbed a Banana.

"She said you were upset, and you wanted to stay with us for a while. You are upset about losing Miles aren't you? I think Bridget will be up soon."

"Yes, how did you know? I'm going to get counseling after Christmas". She told John.

"I heard you singing and was at Sue Ann's last night. I'm praying for you Rose. Well I'm going to go to church and get ready for tonight's services and work on next week's sermon.", said John

"Okie dokie! John can you give me a hug?" Rose asked.

"Sure, Rose".

He then gave her a big hug. They were both not aware that Bridget had just entered the kitchen. She was glad to see that her mother was receiving some comfort in this difficult time in her life.

"Ok it's my turn for a hug", announced Bridget.

"Oh, hello honey," said John as he turned to give Bridget a hug and kiss. He then told Bridget & Rose to have a good day and then he went to church.

"Well, Mom I think we can go shopping now", she said as she grabbed a yogurt out of the refrigerator.

They went to The Mall of America and had an enjoyable time. Rose got some baby clothes for her granddaughter Amanda. Amanda was her daughter Janelle's one year old daughter. Rose also got all of her kids a book about the history of Norwegian-Americans. Rose was very impressed with the largest mall in the country. Rose and Bridget went to a local restaurant for lunch. They then went home for some eggnog and cookies.

Back at home they reminisced about Christmas in St. Olaf. Bridget really wasn't a fan of her eccentric hick town she grew up in, but knew how much her mom liked it. Rose was hoping that she would feel better at the Christmas Eve services that night. Bridget had offered to take her to both services.

That night Rose was worried about seeing Sue Ann at one the services. As she was getting her coat, hat, gloves & scarf on, she conveyed her worry to Bridget.

"Mom, if she says anything rude to you don't dwell on it. "Said Bridget.

"Should I apologize for last night?" Rose asked.

"It's up to you Mom," replied Bridget.

"Hey mom, want to hear a great joke about Norwegians, which has to do with Christmas Eve?" Bridget wanted to ease the nervousness and depression that her mom was going through.

"Okie dokie", said Rose

"During a Christmas program the Norwegian kept singing the words Leon, Leon, Leon, Leon. The person standing next to him whispered in his ear he was holding the song book upside down."

Bridget asked her mom, "Do you get the joke Mom?"

Rose told her that she actually had to tell her Uncle Ole that that he was holding the hymnal upside down while singing The First Noel one Christmas Eve. She & Bridget laughed for a long time after that.

Rose decided as she got into the car that she would apologize to Sue Ann that night. She felt awful for running out at dinner the other night.


End file.
